5 Gym Species You Want to Punch in the Face

For those of you who have gym memberships, I’d thought we’d have some fun with the species that occupy the Gyminal Kingdom (see what I did there?).  I’ve probably been a member at eight or nine different gyms, and the stereotypes are the same everywhere.  I almost feel sorry for them…but I’d rather make fun of them here in the blog because I can!  Internet FTW.

meathead1) Meatheadius Narcissium - This guy makes sure every exercise is in front of a mirror or audience. In between sets he’s checking himself out, checking to make he looks really good.  This dude LOVES himself.  Generally you can find him doing one of these three exercises: bench presses, bicep curls, or sit ups, because all he really cares about is his chest, biceps, and abs, which are probably comically oversized at this point.  You’d like to make fun of him to his face, but he’s so dis-proportioned that you don’t know where to begin… and he could probably pummel you because he also probably has a serious case of roid rage buildling up.  Put the guns away, Chief.

wind-up-teeth2) Talkium-Way-TOO-Muchus - These guys usually come in pairs. They sit down on a weight bench or popular machine and then spend 15 effing minutes in between each set talking about the stupidest **** ever.  When you walk over and ask if they’re done (because it looks like they are), they’ll say “oh, we still have 8 sets left.”  Shut your mouth Jabroni, do your exercises, and get the hell out of there.  If you’re gonna chat up a storm, do it AFTER you’re done lifting or in between exercises so you’re not holding up everybody else.  Nobody cares who won Dancing with Stars the other night either.

knowitall_header3) Expertum Incorrectus - The know-it-all.  He goes around and tells everybody what they’re doing wrong, and how he can do it better.  These guys are the most dangerous if you’re not careful, because if I had to bet my life savings on it I’d guess they’re probably wrong.  Look in a gym, and you’ll see at least half the people in there doing exercises improperly.  I’ve had people tell me how to do squats (which screwed up my back when I took their advice), how to do dips (which would have destroyed my shoulder had I listened to them), and pretty much every other exercise out there.  Everyone’s a critic, everybody thinks they know what’s best for you, and everybody is quick to pass along information, no matter how wrong it is.  Stick to your guns, do your research, and ask a professional at the club if you have a question…although many trainers don’t know what they’re doing either.

shrek4) Ogre-Personificus – This is the gym equivalent of the attention whore.  Listen, I know sometimes you need to let out a grunt when you’re lifting a sh**-load of weight, but does it really need to be loud enough for everybody in the gym to hear it?   You can usually find these guys lifting weights and almost yelling between each rep, followed by them loudly dropping their weights on the floor and then walking around like William Wallace.  We get it Braveheart, you’re the man.  As long as you’re not dropping weights on your face because of this guy, he’s almost funny enough to watch.

Mullet terrorist5) Sweatpantus Creepiatum  – This is the guy in sweatpants in the back of the yoga room who doesn’t actually bother doing the stretches, the guy who sees a girl on a treadmill and starts walking right next to her even though there are 15 others open, and the guy who spends most of his time staring and ogling rather than exercising.  Dude, you’re creeping everybody out.  No you shouldn’t go up to her and tell her how many arm curls you can do (it’s a DEEP BURN, as Ron Burgundy would say).  You shouldn’t even stalk her when she comes out of the locker room.  She’s there to exercise, which is why YOU should be there, so do your thing and let her do hers.  There’s a right way and a wrong way to go about it, and you’re definitely not doing it right.

fat spandexSpandexa Unflatterium (honorable mention)- the girl in the spandex and sports bra who really shouldn’t be wearing stuff like that out in public.  Ladies, we’re happy that you’re comfortable in your own body, but don’t make us be comfortable with it too.  I guess the male equivalent would be Homer Simpson walking around in booty shorts.  Wear whats comfortable, but do it within reason.  I have a LOT of respect for a bigger person in the gym exercising trying to get better, but be appropriate about it!

Now, these dudes (and girl) are probably the reason many of you avoid gyms in the first place…unless you’re one of these species.  If that’s the case, STOP IT.  Now, I’ve learned to ignore these people by listening to my iPod, keeping my head down, and getting in and out of the gym as quickly as possible.  I recommend you do the same, but feel free to laugh at these people if you need a pick-me-up.  After all, if we can’t laugh at ourselves, then we should probably laugh at others.  That’s a joke, by the way.

Who am I not making fun of that I should be?  Who got left out?

-Steve

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What If It’s All Been a Big Fat Lie?

Picture 1“If the members of the American medical establishment were to have a collective find-yourself-standing-naked-in-Times-Square-type nightmare, this might be it.”

So begins one of the most thought-provoking articles I have read in a long time.  Written by Gary Taube, “What If It’s All Been a Big Fat Lie” was featured in the New York Times back in 2002 and has been causing all kinds of controversy ever since.  Today’s post is extremely short because I want you to read this article.  That’s right, I’m giving you homework.  Read it at work, read it at home, print it out and read it on the toilet, whatever floats your boat.

Being the skeptic that I am, I searched for responses that discredit Taubes.  I immediately found Michael Fumento’s rebuttal to this article here, followed by Gary’s rebuttal to the rebuttal here, and then Fumento’s rebuttal of the rebuttal to the rebuttal.  Personally, I think we should just put Taubes and Fumento in a steel cage and let them duke it out.  Now it’s your turn: I’d love to hear your thoughts on the article and whether you think Gary is absolutely correct, a complete wackjob, or somewhere in between.

I’ll post my complete thoughts on this back-and-forth debate in the comments section at the end of the day (I’ll be away from a computer for the whole day), but I want to hear from you guys before I jump into the fray.

-Steve

PS – Gary has written a book that details this theory more elaborately: Good Calories, Bad Calories.

Exercise Every Muscle in Your Body in 15 Minutes

I went to the gym on Sunday night and I failed to realize that the gym closes really early on that day.  I literally had 20 minutes in the gym before they turned off all the lights, so I put together a quick routine to work out every single muscle in my body.  If you don’t have a gym membership, read the end of this post for the 15-minute bodyweight workout.  See that? Everybody wins!

weight_lifting_bodybuilding_cartoon_squat_aa_ezrSquats- I have a love/hate relationship with squats.  Most of the time I hate them, but I love how I feel afterward.  My legs hate squats, but they love it when I can lift even more weight the next time.  Plus, when you do squats with perfect form, you work every muscle in your leg, lower back, AND your abs.  After a quick 2 minute warm-up (rapid fire jumping jacks to get my heart racing and muscles warm), I did three sets of Squats (reps of 10, 8, 6) waiting one minute between sets.  Each time I added weight to the bar.  To read about perfect squats and why you need to do them, read my squats article here.

Incline dumbbell press – Grab a weightlifting bench, and set the angle at 45 degrees or so.  Grab two dumbbells, and press them up above your head as if you were doing an incline benchpress with a barbell.  Three sets of 12, 10, 8 (increasing weight, one minute between sets).  This exercise works your chest, shoulders, and triceps.  Concentrate on perfect form, and don’t lower your upper arms past parallel (to the floor).  Bring your hands in together at the top so you almost clink the two dumbbells together.

brown_cat_pull_upsPull ups and chin ups – Find a bar, grab it with either an overhand or underhand grip, and pull yourself up.  Overhand grip (palms away from you) will work your back more than your biceps, and an underhand grip (palms facing you) will work your biceps more than your back.  Do a set of overhand grip pull ups until exhaustion, wait a minute, do another set of overhand grip pull ups until exhaustion, wait a minute, then do a set of underhand chin ups until exhaustion.  Make sure you go all the way down (just before locking out your arms), and get way above the bar on the top, or it doesn’t count!  If you can’t do a full pull up yet, read this article (with video) on how to build up to them.

Want to burn even more fat while you’re at it? Do this whole routine as a giant circuit (you can ready more about circuit training here).  Keep the weight the same for each set, but go in this order:

  • Squats – 12 reps
  • Incline Chest Press – 12 reps
  • Pull ups – as many as you can.
  • 30 jumping jacks

Do this cycle 3 times, without stopping.  15 minutes, build muscle and burn fat.  Not too shabby!

No Gym? Do body-weight squats or lunges (with your hands behind your head, prisoner style), and then do decline push ups (with your feet up on your bed or a chair or something).  Stick with regular pull ups.   For a more accurate description on how to do these exercises, read my article on body weight exercises, “No Gym? No Problem!

Pretty damn simple, pretty damn effective.

-Steve

Can A Diet Kill You?

Who really has our best interests in mind?

Picture 1To be honest with you, I don’t know.  This post is mostly diet, and not much “nerd,” but I still think it’s important.  I’m not a dietitian and I don’t have my doctorate in food and physiology studies, I’m just a guy who’s trying to be as healthy as possible.  Most of you know that I’ve done a fair amount of reading on The Paleo Diet recently and even managed to eat primal for the entirety of yesterday.  Quite the departure from my “healthy” diet a month ago.

A few days back, Tim Ferriss (of the 4 Hour Work Week) wrote a post entitled, “7 Reasons to Eat More Saturated Fat,” and there are currently 271 comments on it.  I’m pretty sure this post was written to draw attention and provoke debate (one of Tim’s strengths), and that’s exactly what has happened.  Many comments are from Vegans or vegetarians berating Tim for promoting a ‘slaughter’ lifestyle, while others are making fun of the Vegans for allegedly depriving their body of necessary nutrients.  Both sides cite “extensive research” disproving the others’ lifestyle, and both are convinced the others’ diet is going to kill them.  Just reading the first 50 comments is enough to make your head spin.

I found this scathing review of the Paleo Diet, written by Sally Fallon, who happens to be the author of her OWN diet book, Nourishing Traditions: The Cookbook that Challenges Politically Correct Nutrition and the Diet Dictocrats. Personally, I think her review comes across as a jealous tirade that misses the point and is really out to promote her own agenda.  With all of this back and forth it seems like everybody is out only to further their own career or sell their next book or cause a huge controversy.  In fact, a lot of the “studies” are funded by food companies who just want to promote their own side of things.  How many lobbyists from various companies have the ear of the FDA?  It’s crazy!

Who the eff do we trust? Is there a bullsh** tester out there? I mean, here’s a clip from the Today Show where a USA Today dietitian recommended Taco Bell, Burger King, and KFC.  COME ON.  I’ve done as much reading on various diets since seriously getting into fitness a few years back, and I’m still overwhelmed by the amount of stuff that both proves or disproves everything else.  Is the Paleo Diet the healthiest lifestyle?  What about Japan’s non-paleo rice-based diet?  What other factors come into play?

I think this is one of those problems that will never have a 100% factual solution. The human body is such a complex piece of machinery that we’ll never really be able to control every variable to test out specific, minute options.  With genetics, quality of air, stress, quality of water, and quality of life playing such a big role in our lives, I don’t think we’ll ever really know the exact optimal diet…which is fine, because life will go on.

With all sides of this diet war slinging propaganda and stories at one another, it’s tough to see clearly.  However, I think there are a few truths that we CAN trust.  I found this quote by Michael Pollan to be one of the most inspirational and rational mottos to live by:

“Eat food, not too much. Mostly plants.”

Sounds simple, right?  It’s because it is.  Now, food is a general term, but Michael means ACTUAL food.  Not food born in a lab, but food grown from the earth.  Fruits, vegetables, and healthy meats.  Too much of anything is generally detrimental to your life, so consume in moderation.  If you’re eating mostly natural fruits and vegetables, cutting out junk food and processed sugar, you’re going to be healthy.

Moving forward, I’m going to keep reading, keep studying, and keep learning. I won’t go to one extreme (all meat!) or the other (Vegan), but find a healthy moderation (which seems to line up nicely with the Paleo diet, maybe with a few modifications).

You’re probably more confused now than ever, but hopefully this encourages you to question what you read, and be smart with your decisions.

-Steve

Why I Ate Chicken For Breakfast

For the first time in my life, I ate chicken for breakfast this morning.

Picture 2Yeah, it was a little weird.  After years of cereal, bagels, muffins, donuts, and/or high-calorie meal replacement shakes for breakfast, I’m working on this whole Paleo/Primal diet thing, (which I wrote about recently).  I think it’s going to be a gradual transition from my old diet to a new one, but I’m pretty excited about it.  I’ve spent the past four years of my life stuffing my face with 3500 calories a day, drinking expensive shakes, shoveling pounds of pasta and very few fruits or vegetables into my mouth.  It was exhausting, expensive, and frustrating having to eat every 2 hours.

Since I started reading the Paleo Diet book and The Primal Blueprint, I’ve made a few realizations about my diet that I’m changing.   I never realized how truly detrimental and pervasive sugar is.  It’s in freaking everything!  Yeah, even the “healthy” stuff.  Take a look at a loaf of “100% whole wheat bread” and you’ll probably find High Fructose Corn Syrup as one of the top five ingredients.  I know when I went to the store last night it was on the whole wheat bread I used to eat.

This is a big change for me: instead of trying to bulk up, I’m going trim down while building muscle and see where that leaves me.  Rather than shoveling bad food into my mouth to put on weight, I’m going to cut as much processed food, simple carbs, and sugar from my diet during the week.  That means no more spaghetti and PB sandwiches, two things I’ve eaten almost every day since I was five.  In place of that, I’m going to stick with lean meats, LOTS of chicken, TONS of asparagus, and salads.  I’ve been eating like a little kid forever, and I think it’s time to finally expand my food horizons and grow up a bit.  I think I bought like  six kinds of vegetables at the store last night – the old me didn’t even know six kinds of vegetables existed.

So what’s my plan now? As of this morning I weigh 177 lbs, and my body fat percentage is right around 9%.  It was at 11% a few weeks back before adjusting my diet, so I can tell it’s already working.  I have a hunch I’ll actually look bigger at 175 with 6% BF compared to 185 at 11%.  Now, as I make my adjustment to a healthier diet, I do have some concerns:

  • I’m going to get bored really quickly. If I eat chicken for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, things are going to get old quickly.  Steaks are expensive, but now that I’m not buying tubs of supplements and 4 gallons of milk a week, it might actually fit into my budget.  I’m going to have to start eating fish at some point, and this scares me because I’m not a fan at all.  Any recommendations on the best fish to start out with would be helpful.
  • I’m going to lose a LOT of weight. Cutting out most carbs like breads, rice, and pasta are going to severely drop my calorie count.  A big serving of rice can have 15-20 times the number of calories of a big serving of asparagus.  This is where walnuts, almonds, and occasionally oatmeal will come in handy, but for a guy trying to gain/maintain weight, this is going to be tough.
  • I won’t have enough energy to get through the day and do my workouts - I’ve already noticed that my last few work outs haven’t been as good because I’ve had less energy going into them.  Luckily I just picked up The Paleo Diet for Athletes, and I’ll be reading that on my flight out to Colorado this weekend.  This book deals with athletes on the paleo diet and how they eat before and after exercising to maintain energy and build muscle.  Full review coming soon.
  • Not enough Calcium - now that I’m not chugging Milk by the gallon, I’m worried I’m just not going to get enough calcium and my bones will suffer (no not my bones!).  Luckily, the author of the Paleo Diet, Loren Cordain, addresses this exact issue here.  I’m certainly not giving up dairy completely, but it will be at a pretty large departure from where I was at a month ago.

We’ll see how this goes.  I plan on sticking with the plan for the next two weeks and then reevaluating.  I still plan on drinking a few beers, eating un-primal, playing bags (cornhole, corntoss, whatever you want to call it), and watching football on the weekends (read yesterday’s post), so that means I need to be super dedicated during the week.  I’m going to keep having fun, just adjust my diet slightly and see where it takes me.

Why am I doing this? Some people (my mom included) have said “what’s wrong with how you look now?”  Really, I like how I look now, I’m just interested to see how strong I can get and where I can get to in terms of efficiency (body fat percentage).  Remember, “appearance is a consequence of fitness.”  If this makes me healthier, function better in the gym,  have more energy, and makes me look good, why the hell wouldn’t I try it?

I’ll keep everybody informed on how things go over the next few weeks, but I promise I won’t dominate this blog with just ALL PALEO ALL THE TIME stuff.  Everybody is at different stages in their lives, careers, and levels of fitness and diet, and I’ll keep that in mind with my writing.

And here we….go!

-Steve

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What We Can Learn from Billy Madison

If you live in the US, you probably just finished up with a long weekend.

homer_simpsonI’m going to guess you went to the beach, or sat by a pool, probably stayed up too late, ate way too much BBQ, and probably drank your fair share of Bud Lights.  You woke up this morning feeling like crap and maybe even a little guilty for not strictly following your diet and going to the gym.

Don’t.

You’re still alive right?  Did you have fun?  In my opinion, memories and experiences are what make life worth living.  You won’t remember the night you ate a spinach salad and went to bed early, but you’ll certainly remember the night you stayed up with your best friends until four in the morning drinking beers and telling stories about college.  Exercise and diet are meant to enhance your standard of living, not completely overtake it so that you don’t have any fun.

My roommate had five friends come into town, and I spent most of the weekend watching college football with them (and had an awesome doing so).  I ate probably a dozen burgers, drank plenty of beer, didn’t sleep much, and spent far too much time playing Excite-Bots, a ridiculously illogical game for the Wii that makes no sense and yet has me completely addicted.  At 12:30 last night I finally got an S ranking (which is for some reason better than A) on all courses on all difficulties, so now I can finally reclaim my life and get back to business.

This should be your course of action for today: realize you had a great weekend and pick up right where you left off. Unless you made the decision to start doing hardcore drugs or kill a hooker, you can’t do too much damage to yourself in just a few days.  Didn’t sleep enough?  Go to sleep early tonight.  Skipped exercising?  Hit up the gym today.  Ate too much? Go back to eating in moderation right now.  Most importantly, don’t let a long weekend cause you to get derailed.  To quote Billy Madison, one of the finest films of our generation:

Whoa whoa whoa, Miss Lippy. The part of the story I don’t like is that the little boy gave up looking for Happy after an hour. He didn’t put posters up or anything, he just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That little boy’s gotta think ‘You got a pet. You got a responsibility.’ If your dog gets lost you don’t look for an hour then call it quits. You get your ass out there and you find that f***ing dog.

Picture 1Let’s put this in context. So you lost your way a little bit this weekend; don’t let it destroy all of the progress you’ve made.  If you had a (fun) lapse and ate three bags of sun chips and fourteen hot dogs, don’t sit there like a goon and beat yourself up over it.  You simply get your ass out there, and you lift some f***ing weights!  Or run a f***ing mile!  Or climb a f***ing mountain!  Whatever it is you do to stay active, f***ing do it!

For future long weekends, it’s okay indulge a little; just don’t let it send you off the deep end. Take your kids out to get ice cream.  Go to a bar and watch football and drink beer.  Eat a whole bag of chips.  In fact, some studies have shown that giving yourself a day of extra calories causes your efficient metabolism to work extra hard to burn them, which actually carries over to the next few days when you return to eating healthy, which will cause you to lose MORE weight (read about Tim Ferriss’s support of this practice here).  I don’t know if this is true or not, but hey, it might make you feel a little better about drinking beers and playing Halo every once and a while.

Live a little.  This is the only chance we get.  Now get back on that f***ing horse!

-Steve

Speaking of Billy Madison, here is my favorite scene.  It starts about halfway into the clip.


Billy Madison YouTube Clip

Vibram FiveFingers: First Impressions

Picture 2I finally got my Vibrams yesterday!

Last week I wrote about these crazy-ass FiveFinger shoes as an alternative to wearing expensive cushion-y running shoes.  I found a store in town that carried them, and picked up a pair late last night.  If you’re looking into getting some, I would HIGHLY recommend finding a place near you that sells them if possible so you can try them on before hand.  You can search for locations that carry them on Vibram’s site here. According to the sizing chart on Vibram’s site, I was between a 42 and 43.  After trying on a pair of each at the store, 42′s couldn’t even fit my toes, and 43′s fit perfectly.  Call around to the different stores and see if they have your sizes. Even if they don’t have the color you want, get the size right and then go home and order online.

Picture 3I went with the Black KSO’s (“Keep s*** out”). If I had to describe how these things feel; it’s like wearing a wetsuit on your feet.  Very snug, but somehow still extremely mobile.  Looking down and running around for a few minutes, I can’t decide if I feel more like a Ninja or a gorilla.  Maybe a ninja gorilla, which is absurd – there’s no way humans would still be in power if ninja gorillas existed…but that’s neither here nor there.  Oh, and I also tried to do the thing like the person in this picture, but my toes aren’t nearly that spread apart yet.  Maybe one day. 

Running in Vibrams is DEFINITELY going to take some getting used to: I ran through the parking lot on the way to the gym, and I felt like a jackass because my running style had to change completely.  Instead of the long strides and heel-toe style, now it’s short strides, lands on the balls of your feet, and keep pushing.  I can see my calf muscles absolutely KILLING me after just a small jog, but that excited the hell out of me.  I have skinny legs so I figure making my calves strong as hell isn’t a bad side effect.

In the gym, I felt odd. And not just because of the weird looks I got from everybody in there, but because I really felt like I was walking around barefoot.  I only did three exercises at the gym because I only had 30 minutes – each felt slightly different compared to when working out in sneakers.  Doing deadlifts, I felt more in balance and actually managed to lift a new personal high.  Then, I did some (standing) shoulder barbell presses and felt a little wobbly with my feet, but I’m confident my feet and ankles will grow in strength along with the rest of my muscles.  I then ended with few sets of pull ups, and did a few more reps than normal.  I think doing pull ups in the vibrams really showed me how much fun these shoes are: it really felt like I was exercising in bare feet.

I’m already a convert. I’m actually looking forward to running this weekend, and I hate running.  Whenever I put on my FiveFingers, I just want to jump up and down, climb things, do some free-running, and then compete on Ninja Warrior.  Want to know how versatile these shoes are?  I typed this entire blog post with my feet while wearing them.

Okay that’s a lie, but that would have been cool, right? Check back next week when I write about my first running experiences.  I won’t be blogging on Monday because it’s a holiday here in the US, so see you Tuesday.

-Steve

Interview with Tyler of 344pounds.com

A few weeks back, I got an email from a Nerd Fitness reader who told me about a website that really inspired him, 344pounds.com.

I went and checked out the site. I was blown away by the amount of success the site’s creator, Tyler,  has had in such a short amount of time (see his transformation pictures here).  In 8 months, Tyler has lost over 110 pounds, and plans on losing another 40.  Considering how motivated he is, I have no doubt he’ll get there.  I reached out to Tyler asking if he’d answer a few questions for my readers, because I bet a lot of you guys might be in the same boat.  Hopefully this will show you what’s possible when you use common sense and stay dedicated!

Nerd Fitness: Hey Tyler, thanks for answering some questions for my readers.  Let’s talk about a typical day for you before you decided to change your life.

Before

Tyler: Sedentary all day.  I’d either skip breakfast or get a large french toast combo from Burger King (near my work).  This consisted of french toast sticks, hashbrowns, and a coke — probably nearly 1,000 calories.  For lunch I’d eat out again and have some sort of sandwich with fries and a coke, followed by a large afternoon snack when I got home from work around 4-5.  Dinner was meat and potatoes with 2nd and 3rd helpings, and of course, several sodas to wash it down.  I’d end the day by playing Xbox 360 (now sold) or watching television.

NF: I know a lot of people that can relate to that.  What was your motivation to make that change?  What put you over the edge?

T: No one event put me over the edge — but I do remember the day I decided to change.  I was at my desk at work and it just “clicked” — I was tired of being fat.  I still had some of my breakfast from Burger King that I was eating and threw that away, went to the mirror in the bathroom and was simply disgusted.  I vowed to change and I did.

NF: Describe a typical day now.

After

T: Morning consists of either Raisin bran and fruit or a cooked meal consisting of toast, bacon, and eggs, depending on my time.  I also take a multi-vitamin every morning.  I’ll also have a mid-morning snack of fruit or some vegetable, followed by a lunch with a sandwich and very fries or chips.  On some days I’ll just have a couple of tuna sandwiches or PB&Js, but again, I don’t like eating rabbit food.  I like to eat good food.  Dinner consists of meat and potatoes still, but hold the seconds and the several refills of soda.  A couple of hours after dinner, about 8-9 PM, I’ll go to the gym and work out for 30-60 minutes.

NF: I like that your transformation wasn’t a complete 180, just a sensible diet and exercise.  Alright, if you had to pick one thing, what had the most impact on your weight loss?

T: 344Pounds.com being talked about by the media — but that answer doesn’t help most people, so I’ll say losing the soda [NF note: I agree, soda is a real killer].  You definitely need to moderately drink soda and drink water as much as possible.  You don’t have to eliminate, just moderate.

NF: Moderation ftw!  Had you tried losing weight in the past?  If you had failed then, what has made you succeed now?

T: Like most people, I have. Dozens of times. However, I’ve never lost more than a few pounds before this attempt — and this time I’ve lost more than 100.  It’s funny the way things work out sometimes.  And my success this time can be attributed to my accountability.  You don’t need a blog, you just need to tell family and friends.  It’s scary, but that’s the idea.

NF: I actually recently wrote an article about accountability, so your success makes a lot of sense.  Alright, onto the nerd stuff: favorite videogame of all time?

T: I’m pretty involved in my company, a father and a husband, so I don’t have a lot of free time these days.  By far though my favorite video game of all time would be Command and Conquer on PC — Red Alert 2:  Yuri’s Revenge, specifically.

NF: Man, I always sucked at C&C. Starcraft was more my thing.  Are you playing any game right now?

T: On the Wii, the new sports game Wii Sports Resort.

NF: If you could have one superpower, what would it be, and why?

T: Flying.  I tried my hardest to fly one night in the backyard when I was like 8 years old.  I had a cape on (towel) and I had a brick to jump off to give me some “momentum.” That night didn’t end well and that was the last time I tried to fly.

NF: Hahaha, glad you survived that. What’s your movie to live by?

T: Boogie Nights.

NF: Fair enough.  Thanks again for passing on your story to the world.   Before you go, do you have any specific advice for other guys in the same boat, trying to lose a large amount of weight?

T: Don’t follow a diet — just count your calories and you’ll lose weight.

So there ya have it!  I think my favorite thing about Tyler’s success is that he really didn’t make too many drastic changes.  You can find stories about people who give up everything they love to eat and start exercising eight hours a day, but those goals are unrealistic.  If you’re a big guy or girl, here’s legitimate proof and motivation of what you can accomplish in a short amount of time if you use common sense and STICK WITH IT!

You can follow Tyler’s journey over at 344pounds.com and on twitter at Twitter.com/344pounds.

-Steve

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The Most Depressing Sandwich in the World?

It’s like they’re trying to kill you.

Picture 1Our friends over at KFC, fresh off the campaign to put healthier grilled chicken on the menu, have decided to reclaim the ‘are you kidding me’ throne from Taco Bell by introducing one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen.  Take a bunch of bacon, cover it in melted cheese, douse it in Colonel’s Sauce (I don’t know what’s in his sauce, and I don’t want to know), and then bookend it with two deep fried chicken patties instead of a bun.  It’s called the “Double Down,” and it will wreak havoc on your stomach, your arteries, and eventually your plumbing.

Now, for those of you salivating at the thought of this fantastically atrocious creation (my buddy Jordan comes to mind), you’re going to have to wait your turn.  At the moment, it’s only available in Rhode Island and Nebraska, but the way this country is getting fatter I’m confident it’ll do well and will be available from coast to coast. USA! USA! Check out this surprisingly funny MSNBC video about the Double Down:

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MSNBC Video on the Double Down Sandwich

It’s really not the end of the world if you eat one of these things (you can do far worse when it comes to calories and nutrition), but come on, look at that thing!  I’d like to think if you have a shred of dignity or self-respect, you can’t walk into a KFC and order one of these with a straight face.  Congrats Colonel Sanders, you’ve clearly outdone yourself this time.  If you want to see pictures of what the sandwich looks like in real life, check out the food geekery.  I guess you can add the Double Down to the KFC famous bowl, to the list of most depressing foods in the world.  Check out comedian Patton Oswald’s take on the Famous Bowl (lots of F-bombs, but effing hilarious):


Patton Oswald on the KFC Famous Bowl

I’ll never forget the last time I went to a KFC. I had just accepted my job with Sixthman in Atlanta, and I was driving there all the way from San Diego.  Now, obviously out on the road, you don’t get to be picky about your food choices and the trip was already less than optimal, considering I was in a car with no heat or air conditioning.  I hadn’t eaten all day as I drove through New Mexico…which smells like horse poop, by the way.  The entire state. I’m sorry if you’re from there, but it does.  Anyways, the only thing open I could find open at midnight before pulling into a motel was a KFC/Taco Bell hybrid restaurant.  That’s right! Two healthy choices in one!

I hadn’t eaten fast food for probably six months prior to this night, but I figured, “what’s the worst thing that could happen?”  I ordered the two taco & three chicken strips combo and a bottle of water.  It was actually quite tasty, and it went down easy enough.  I found a motel, checked in, and tried to get a good night’s sleep before my 14 hour drive the next day.

I woke up with a brick in my stomach.  KFC/Taco Bell:1, Steve: 0.

Of course, because I had a long ass drive to Houston to meet up with my friend Cash, and the ‘brick’ certainly wasn’t moving anywhere, I hopped on I-10 and started driving east.  I entered the state of Texas on I-10 at exit 1,  and left I-10 at exit 740.  For that entire ride (which felt like an eternity), I drove with my legs tucked up in the fetal position and the car in cruise control (luckily the posted speed limit was 80mph and I was the only car on the road).  I don’t think I have ever had a more miserable day in my life.

Please, if you’re on a road trip, be careful what you eat.  Use your GPS if you can and find a grocery store.  Run in and grab some good food, hit up the salad bar, check their ‘hot lunch’ or ‘hot dinner’ options, whatever makes you happy.  If you NEED to eat fast food, aim for the stuff that’s going to do the least amount of damage to your insides.  It’s funny, but once you give up fast food, after a while you don’t even miss it.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m road tripping to Rhode Island for a Double Down….naht.

-Steve

My 4 Favorite Dumb Fitness Infomericals

I’m constantly amazed at the stupidity of some people.

I laugh/cringe when I see the three products created below.  Think of how many people have to approve such a thing and go: “yes, let’s manufacture thousands of these.”  Unfortunately, these marketers looking to cash in on the get-fit-quick hopes of most people, and because people keep buying these things…companies will keep making them.  It’s hilarious to watch these things, and it’s also really sad to think how many people actually get suckered in.

Hawaii Chair: fat-asses, fear not! You can sit in this chair while eating ho-hos at work and the pounds will just shed off. I mean, look at the beautiful people in the infomercial! This might be my favorite product of all-time:


Hawaii Chair Infomercial

Want to see how ridiculous these things truly are?  Check out Olivia Munn from G4TV sitting in one on Attack of the Show.

AromaTrim: Want to stop eating that cookie? Want to only eat half a pan of brownies instead of all of them? Just smell this piece of plastic! Sounds f***ing ridiculous right? Because it is!


AromaTrim Infomercial

Ab Circle Pro - Want to get six pack abs but don’t actually want to work for it?  In only 3 minutes a day you can develop those washboard abs, get rid of your love handles, and make you look like Ryan Reynolds!  What they don’t tell you is unless you drastically overhaul your diet, you’ll never see those abs.  In fact, you probably have abs right now, even if your beer gut resembles a keg…they’re just buried under 35% of body fat.


Ab Circle Pro Video

Rejuvenique Face Mask: Always wanted to live out your Friday the 13th or Man in the Iron Mask fantasy?  Want to scare the **** out of the neighborhood children!?  Just put on this creepy facemask, send shockwaves through it, and BAM all your wrinkles are gone.  This is awesome on so many levels:


Rejuvenique Face Mask

Guys, if it seems too good to be true, it’s because it is.  You don’t get results quick and easy.  It takes a healthy diet and steady exercise (your diet being the most important aspect) to get any sort of significant results, so don’t bother wasting your money on any product unless you’ve done legitimate research on how valid its success really is.

Be smart.

What’s your favorite infomercial?

-Steve

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