Happy Arrested Development Week!
Unless you’ve been living under a rock or hiding in the attic, you’re aware that one of the world’s greatest comedies returned to “television” on Sunday! Arrested Development has more inside jokes, hilarious references, and obscure humor than you will find in probably any other show ever.
(If you haven’t seen Arrested Development yet, shame on you. Go rent seasons 1-3 or pay like the 7 bucks for a month of Netflix and stream them).
Anyhoo, with new episodes available this week, I wanted to present you with the life lessons and workout plan that I’ve learned from spending far too many hours watching Michael Bluth and his family destroy themselves and everything around them.
[Obviously some minor plot spoilers for people that haven’t seen the original 3 seasons…fair warning!]
Have a theme song, believe in yourself
It’s impossible to think of GOB Bluth without thinking of his theme song: Europe’s “The Final Countdown“:
This is the song that GOB walks out to every time he goes to perform a magic trick an Illusion. It gets him in the right frame of mind, gets him pumped up, and allows him to kick it up a notch or two.
Unfortunately, GOB is a horrible magician (still, where did the lighter fluid come from?) and more often than not makes things worse with each additional trick.
That being said, GOB is one of the most self-confident people you will come across: It’s this confidence that once allowed him to make an entire boat disappear! (spoiler alert: he just sunk it).
Now, I’m not saying you need to be full of yourself like GOB. Instead, I’m asking you to understand the importance of believing in yourself, and that some confidence (even if it’s faked) can go a long way.
I mean, if Maebe, a high school student, can fake her way into a movie studio executive position (“marry me!”), then surely you can muster up 20 seconds of courage and build some confidence.
Do it for GOB!
Supplements don’t cure your problems
“There’s no I in Teamocil…at least not where you think…”
Now, before you start your workout, you’re probably wondering, “What about supplements? I’ve heard good things about supplements, pills, powders, etc, including those promoted by Dr. Funke’s 100% Natural Good-Time Family Band Solution”.
Their two most famous supplements are Teamocil and Euphorazine, created by the Natural Life Food Company (a division of ChemGrow, an Allyn-Crane Acquisition, and part of the Squimm Group, who’s motto was simple: “We keep you alive.”)
[Side note: Natural Life Food Company was the same company that ‘acquired Nerd Fitness on April Fools Day.]
Unfortunately, like most supplements out there, Teamocil and Euphorazine have some rough side effects without actually doing what they’re supposed to:
- Teamocil: studies prove the feeling of wellness it gives the user in relationships is simply a precursor to total shutdown of the pituitary gland. The drug may also decrease your sex drive.
- Euphorazine: This supplement was an anti-depressant, but unfortunately only delayed irritability.
There’s no substitute for hard work, healthy choices, and exercise. Other than maybe whey protein (if you can’t eat enough protein through regular food) and a fish oil supplement (to help you get enough Omega 3 in your diet), supplements aren’t worth the hassle.
You won’t find Healthy and Happy in a bottle or in a pill or powder. Come on!
So stick with real food, and just focus on making healthier decisions.
The Arrested Development Workout Plan
Okay, so you’ve got your eating under control, you’ve got your theme song prepped, and now you’re ready to exercise.
Here’s a routine I created that will work out your entire body, inspired by the greatest show on TV. All you need is some things around your house and a set of dumbbells or things you can use as dumbbells (like milk jugs).
Complete the following circuit three times without stopping:
1) The Stair Car Stair Workout (Up and down twice). Hop on to the first step, and then run up to the top of a flight of stairs and back down. Repeat for a second set of stairs.
2) The Buster Bluth One-Arm Row (10 reps each arm). In honor of Buster losing his arm to a loose seal with a yellow bowtie, perform 10 dumbbell rows.
3) The “Way to Plant, Ann!” wall sit (30-60 seconds). Her? Simply find a wall, and sit down as if you were planting yourself into an invisible chair. Which makes sense, because Ann is the type of person who appears invisible anyways. You couldn’t pick her out of a lineup of one!
4) The Steve Holt Overhead Press (10 reps). Grab two dumbbells, hold them above your head and raise them to the heavens while shouting “Steve Holt!” Man that guy is cool.
5) The Tobais Funkee “Oh my God we’re having a fire…sale” army crawl (30 seconds) Imagine there is a fire…sale…and you need to army crawl to the door while singing “Amazing Grace.” Army crawl through your house for 30-60 seconds, staying as low to the ground as possible.
6) George Sitwell/Lucille 2 Standpoor Squats (10 Reps). Oh, that Sitwell…Stand in front of your couch or a chair, and attempt to…sit well. If you can stand back up WITHOUT having to lean forward, your form is good. Stick your butt way back and drop into the sitwell squat.
7) The Bluth Family Chicken Dance (30 seconds). Feel free to pick which one you most resonate with. I’m partial to Lindsay’s chicken impersonation, personally.
8) The Kitty Sanchez “Say goodbye to these” Dumbbell High Pull (10 reps). As if you were lifting your shirt (“Say goodbye to these Michael!”), stand upright and raise your two dumbbells (not a euphemism) upwards towards your chin.
9) The Nevernude Burpee (10 reps). As if you were dropping your pants to show your cutoffs (don’t worry, they effectively hide your thunder), drop your hands to the ground in a squat, kick your legs back, perform a pushup, kick your legs back in, and then explode back up, pulling your imaginary pants back on.
Complete this circuit three times as quickly as possible while maintaining good form. COME ON!
-Steve
On the next Nerd Fitness… We’ll be talking about a new six week challenge over on the NF community!
PS:
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photo source: GOB
