Word Count: 1224 NF Difficulty: Beginner – Intermediate
You want to get in shape, but you’re broke as **** and can’t afford a gym membership. It’s cool, Spartans didn’t have gyms back in the day either, and I think they turned out okay (except for the whole dying thing). So what can you do to burn some fat and build build some muscle without a gym? READ ON SUCKA!
The only equipment I’ll be suggesting here is a pull up bar, and a bench. If you don’t have these, head down to the local school and use their monkey bars and park bench. Just make sure you’re wearing pants, or Chris Hansen will be on the scene faster than you can say “pedophile.”
Nerd Fitness Challenge – In honor of the 300 workout, I made a few challenges for you to try this weekend. Depending on your fitness level, pick the right test, and see how fast you can do it (with GOOD FORM). You don’t have to do all exercises in one set by the way, split it up how you need to, just try to minimize rest and finish as quickly as possible. Descriptions of all exercises are after the challenge below:
Level 1: 20 Jumping Jacks, 1 Pull up, 20 Squats (hands out in front), 20 Push ups, 20 Lunges (10 each leg), 20 Decline Pushups (feet up on bench), 1 Chin up. 102 total reps
Level 2: 40 Jumping Jacks, 5 Pull Ups, 40 Prisoner Squats, 40 Pushups, 30 Lunges (15 each leg), 25 Decline Pushups, 15 Jump Ups, 5 Chin Ups,. –200 total reps
Level 3: 50 Jumping Jacks, 15 pull ups, 50 Arms-Up Squats, 50 Pushups, 50 Lunges (25 each leg), 15 Jump Ups, 40 Decline Pushups, 20 Single-Leg deadlifts (10 each leg), 10 chin ups. – 300 total reps
Only attempt the level of fitness that you’re capable of completing. If you have to time your challenge with a calendar because it took you two days to do 25 pull ups, maybe you should have stuck with level 2. Pull ups = get used to them, because they’re a great test of strength and fitness.
Feel free to post your finished times in the comments.
Here is a description of all exercises if you need more explanation:
Push Ups – Still the bread and butter of all body weight exercises. You know why? Because they don’t require a gym, they work your shoulders, your chest, and your triceps all at the same time. You can do these in your hotel room, in your parent’s basement (don’t tell anybody you still live there), out in a park, wherever. Keep your stomach tight, your back straight, your hands wider than shoulder width apart.
Level 2: Put your feet up on a bed, and do the pushups at a decline angle. This will require more effort from your shoulders, and is a great replacement exercise for the incline dumbbell press that I love so much.
Level 3: Close grip push ups. Keep your hands just barely wider than shoulder width apart, and your elbows close to your side. This will work your triceps extra hard.
Squats – One of the best exercises you can ever do to build power and muscle, the squat is pure gold. Just because you don’t have weights doesn’t mean you can’t get anything out of squats. To do a proper squat, take two steps forward quickly and crouch like you’re getting ready to jump/tackle somebody. Keep an eye on your feet (how they’re angled out slightly), and your back (it’s flat and your abs are tight). This is the stance you want to be in. Put your arms straight out in front of you for balance. As you squat, contract those abs (I know you have them, they might just be under a few layers of flab), keep your back straight, your chin up, and your butt back. Go down until your thighs are parallel to the floor, and explode back up.
Level 2: For more of a challenge, put your hands behind your head like you’re a prisoner, or put them both way above your head like you’re getting robbed at gun point. Ha, those probably aren’t the best analogies to use, but damnit they work.
Level 3: Do one legged deadlifts. Pick a leg and stand on it in the crouched position. Lift your other leg out behind you. As you bend your leg (keeping your ass back and your abs tight), go down until your thigh is parallel to the floor, your hands can touch the ground, and then explode up on that leg. That’s one rep. If you don’t have the coordination for this yet, do it while standing next to a wall and use the wall for support. This will greatly help build your stabilizer muscles in your legs.
Lunges – Stand with your feet together, and your hands on your hips. Step way out with one leg, and drop the other knee (almost) to the ground. Explode up and back with your front leg. That’s one rep. Now do the other leg, unless you just want one giant leg (which could be funny).
Level 2: Put your hands behind your head (like you’re a prisoner), and step forward with your right foot, and drop down. At the bottom of your lunge, twist your torso to your right 90 degrees. Twist back to straight ahead, then explode up and back with your right leg and bring them back together. Now step forward with your left, twist to the left at the bottom, then explode back and up to your legs.
Level 3: Stand 3 feet out in front of a bed, facing away from it. Take your right leg, and step backwards with it so that your right foot is now on the bed, and you’re ready to do a lunge (still facing away from the bed). Put your hands on your hips, and slowly lower your left leg until your thigh is parallel to the ground, then explode. (Does this explanation work for you? Email me at email@example.com if it doesn’t).
Step ups – If you have a bed/bench/chair and a high enough ceiling, put one foot on the bed, the other on the floor and “step up.” See where the name came from? Then, step back down, and step up with the same leg again. Do 10-15 reps on one side, then switch to the other.
Level 2 – Jump ups. These are used in the 300 Challenge. Only do it if you have a big enough platform to jump on, and you’re not going to hit your head! Keeping your abs tight and back straight, jump up onto the bed/bench, and as you land come down into a squat position. Important: don’t jump back down, step down with both feet, then jump back up for your next rep.
Pull Ups – Probably my favorite exercise of them all. Head over to those monkey bars, grab the bar with your palms facing away from you, and pull yourself up. It’s that simple. If you can’t do a full pull up yet, have a friend come with you, and have him pick your legs up as you do them. Your other option is to sort of jump and get yourself above the bar (like you just finished a pull up), and then slowly lower yourself back down. Keep working on these until you can do a real pull up.
Mix it up: Try chin ups, do pull ups with your palms facing towards you. This will work your biceps especially, along with your forearms and back.
Have a great weekend, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.