The Future of Nerd Fitness (Happy April Fools Day!)

[Yeah, this was an April Fools joke :) DEEP BREATH!]

Bust out the lightsabers and start celebrating like the Death Star just blew up.

After four years, nearly five hundred published posts, thousands of emails, and months of back-and-forth negotiations, my lifelong dream has finally come true.

It’s been a long time coming, and although it’s somewhat bittersweet, I couldn’t be happier with how things turned out.

I’m excited to share this news with you today.

Deep breath.

Nerd Fitness has been acquired.

I’m sure you have a lot of questions, so I want to make sure I explain myself.

What does this mean for Nerd Fitness?

NLFC

Late last week, I signed paperwork to merge Nerd Fitness with the Natural Life Food Company, a major player in the health and wellness industry.  

Like any other business deal, this will result in some changes now that Nerd Fitness is a new subsidiary of another company.

These are the major changes you can expect, but I think you’ll agree they’re not too bad: 

1) Our revenue model will switch from original Nerd Fitness products, to advertisements.  You’ll start to see ads from various fitness products and supplements from my parent company or its affiliates around the site (side bar, header, pop-ups, etc.).  Ads are the future of the online fitness industry, and we’re glad to get in on the ground floor.

2) A focus group of people who hadn’t seen Star Wars determined that “The Rebellion” was too confusing and controversial of a community name, potentially alienating those who feel threatened by alternative thinking.

Thus, instead of “Join the Rebellion!” we’ll be urging people to “Join the Fun Fit Squad, or don’t. Either way, you’re great!”

3) Last but not least, the Nerd Fitness Community will now be sponsored by Teamocil*, one of Natural Life Food Company’s most popular supplements.  You’ll also be required to pay a 19.99 per month membership fee to view or post on the forums.

In my opinion, it’s $19.99 well spent, as, your membership will include a free bottle of Teamocil*.

*(I’m required by law to mention that Teamocil may decrease your sex drive).

What about Nerd Fitness content?

NF Content

This was probably the toughest part of the negotiation process.

After all, Nerd Fitness content has a very specific style and structure.  

I sat down with my new boss, Mr. Lumberg, for a few hours the other day to discuss our content moving forward.  Luckily, we were both in agreement that something needed to change to keep things fresh and current.

The biggest change: the really long articles that I write on Nerd Fitness take WAY too much time for busy people to read (and too many hours for me to write), so all future articles will have a cap of 399 words.  Skim and scan FTW!

Also, their market research shows that articles about nerdy topics like the Matrix and Assassin’s Creed don’t appeal to a wide enough demographic. We’ll be phasing out this stuff for more list posts and tips on banishing belly fat with superfoods like acai.

What is Steve’s new role in the company?

lego office space

As part of my agreement, I need to relocate from Nashville TN to Natural Life Food Company’s parent company headquarters in Scranton, PA.  You see, Natural Life Food Company is a division of Chemgrow, an Allyn-Crane Acquisition, and part of the Squimm Group.  Pretty standard in this industry.

I will have to go to an actual office now, but I’ll have complete freedom to set my own hours, provided I arrive between 8:55 AM and 9:00 AM, leave between 5:05 PM and 5:10 PM, and take less than 30 minutes for lunch.

Five whole days for vacation though.  Holla!

My new role in the company is going to be ever changing, which excites me.  For the first few months, I’ll continue writing this newly adjusted Nerd Fitness content, while a team of analysts tracks and records my writing.   This research team is currently hard at work developing an algorithm to automatically create future Nerd Fitness content; think of it sort of like a Nerd Fitness Mad-Lib!

It’s actually quite brilliant, as their computers can literally fill in the blanks and create mass-market friendly Nerd Fitness content all day long:

[Insert random Lego photo here]

I was inspired by [lovable 80's movie] and [heroic comic book character], who motivated me to try [healthy activity] and live life [positive adverb].  

Watch this adorable video of a [non-threatening baby animal].  

I’m currently learning [random skill] and [failing/succeeding] at it has taught me that [inspirational quote].

No more writing? What’s next?

QVC

Once I’m phased out of the writing process, I’m going to be working closely with NLFC to create NF products available exclusively on QVC, starting in the Fall of 2013!

That’s right, Natural Life Food Company and I will be developing a series of products and services that harness the power of the Nerd Fitness brand.  BOOM.

Here are a few of the products we’re working on:

  • Nerd Fitness Energy Drinks - The healthy alternative to soda!
  • Low Fat Nerd Fitness Microwave Dinners- Move over Lean Cuisine!
  • The Nerd Fitness Rebel Ab Belt – It’s like a utility belt, for your abs!
  • Nerd Fitness Protein Infused Vodka – We partnered with Ke$ha on this one, it’s delicious!
  • Nerd Fitness C-THRU Yoga Pants – LuluLemon didn’t take it far enough, in my opinion.

What’s next?

future

Great question!

The answer is: I don’t know yet, but the sky is the limit.

After my two years are up in Scranton, I’ll take my $5,000 and my Delorean (the sale price for Nerd Fitness) and develop my REAL passion: chess boxing.

From the bottom of my heart, I want to say thank you.  

Without you (and your pageviews), this acquisition wouldn’t have been possible.

I’d love for you to leave a comment and let me know what Nerd Fitness products you’d like me to create this fall for our infomercials with QVC:

Tell me what it is, how it works, and what you think the marketing/advertising should be.

We’ll pick two winners (one at random, the other being the “best” product/supplement/service), and hook them up with a free Nerd Fitness t-shirt!

Here’s a link to our press release with more information about the new company.

For the Fun Fit Squad!

-Steve

PS: Happy April Fools’ Day!

Yes, this is 100% a joke. Come on, you think I’d sell out like that?

PPS: I’m not kidding about the free t-shirts, please leave some awesome comments so I can give you free stuff.

PPPS: In case you missed the announcement on Thursday, we added a slew of new items to the Nerd Fitness Store: hats, sweatpants, and tank tops!

###

photo source: star wars,  lego office space, QVC, Future Road

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  • http://www.facebook.com/potter582 Jeremy Potter

    Protein infused Vodka! Ke$ha!!! HAHAHAHA!

    Good prank, you totally had me.

  • http://www.facebook.com/cathy.kincaid Cathy J. Kincaid

    Whew! After reading the comments below I was so relieved. I had actually felt happy for you that you got so much money but so sad to lose this great resource. I am so slow to catch on, but really glad I decided to make my comment and then look at the others. please don’t use that great brain to torture me anymore’

  • http://www.facebook.com/potter582 Jeremy Potter

    I had an image of Richard Simmons frolicking around when i read that…. an image not easily forgotten.

  • Ben

    NOT FUNNY!!! Almost freaked out.

  • cwestrun

    Man, no way! Was my first reaction, then just sad as I kept reading to hopefully read it was an April fool’s joke. You got me!

  • Tori Wilferd

    I didn’t get a chance to read this yesterday but saw the post title in my email and thought WHAT?! Oh heck no, this isn’t the end of my beloved NF!

    And cue me, a very happy nerd, on April 2.

  • TQA

    my jaw dropped and a mixture of curses and ”WHY??, Isn”t there anything good in the world anymore?” went through my brain until i read that u have to work in an office from 9 to 5 and I was like ”hahahahahaha! yeah, right! like Steve is ever going to do THAT!”. and then i just laughed and enjoyed the joke

  • Tori Wilferd

    I’m all for the light saber pull up bar.

  • gracious lars

    Oh god please don’t ever do that again I was so petrified

  • Alex

    You should definitely just go all out and create your own range of weight lifting machines. For QVC of course. Ones that specifically isolate muscles that serve very little functional purpose in everyday life. In fact why not start a chain of gyms? Because you understand just how unimportant windows are, and of course that free weights section has to go…

  • uzi

    Haha me to! Denial as well

  • Katherine Allen

    Definitely go with the Fun Fit Squad diet pills – deemed WTF weight loss system; WTF standing for Win The Fitness (of course)! They’ll increase energy and have all natural* herbal ingredients for extremely fast yet healthy weight loss. Seriously, just take two pills three times a day, eat whatever you want, and never bother with exercise again! All for the low, low price of 19.95 (plus tax, shipping and handling) and that fabulous body can be all yours! Endorsed by Brittany Spears, the paragon of physical and mental virtue – ta da!

  • Hugo

    I was about to unsubscribe…grrrrr

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  • Grace

    First Cassey Ho dresses up in 80′s garb and does an 8 minute abs workout, and now this?? Go home, April, you’re drunk. Such an awesome month so far :P

  • http://www.facebook.com/2ys4you Julia Marchessault

    You had me going there for a while, Steve!

  • Caraberg44

    You had me til Teamocil. Then, I was smiling. :-)

  • Janna Kepley

    Love it! 10 points for teaching me about chess boxing, btw! You’ve already got the awesome gear I want, but I hear-tell that some guys want a tank top, too! So that’s my suggestion.

    Yay NerdFitness! Go rangers! Do all the things!

  • Hannah F.

    Oh my gosh. I was soooo disappointed until I realized it was April Fool’s Day. So glad we still have The Rebellion!

  • http://twitter.com/em1gem Emily Prawalsky

    Ha ha! Loved the Office Space references!

  • Lisa from Northern AZ

    Steve. You are so witty…so gifted @ connecting and teaching. My comment probably doesn’t hold much weight, because I am a non- contributor to Nerd Fitness. HOWEVER….I read almost all of your posts and have since I found you in a certain search engine. I am motivated and encouraged by you and your articles. With that being said…i am glad you are also a smart _ _ _ ! The see thru yoga pants was where I began to question the seriousness of your statement. Thank you for your commitment! You big Nerd.

  • Chris Jensen

    lol, the ultimate placebo

  • Chris Jensen

    I don’t think I’ve ever seen more You Tube links in a comment except in a You Tube comment

  • Chris Jensen

    Dang why couldn’t I have had you for a fitness teacher, my teachers taught me all the wrong ways to do fitness (and I hated it) … granted we only got to use the weight room once in the entire semester because it was reserved for the Weight Training class. Then, of course, they had us doing the same workouts every single day with no leveling up. Course I suppose that is to be expected when most gym instructors are only there to coach some sort of sport and are not really interested in the classes they have to teach.

  • Chris Jensen

    Epic! I could really use one of those XD. Gotta make sure it is portable though for the rebel on the run.

  • Chris Jensen

    I think it needs to be more of a music library that plays those epic songs of encouragement just as you hit the point where you are about to give up … Pandora has saved my workout many a time thanks to playing just the right song at just the right moment … it is hard to quit when suddenly the Zelda theme song starts up, it is like I would be letting Link down … and I can’t do that.

  • Chris Jensen

    I was totally fooled by both these darn articles. And I thought my sister was the gullible one. Though I suppose there is a difference between falling for an elaborate prank and falling for “Hey, look up, gullible is written on the ceiling” That and I had most of my brain power devoted to dreading the upcoming dentist appointment … my wicked metabolism means that no matter how much numbing agent he uses I still feel pain, and yet, somehow I am still overweight

  • http://www.facebook.com/michael.d.duncan Mike Duncan

    Can we still qualify for the gear??? If so I’d like to submit the following for the Dr Who fans:

    Would you like to loose up to 1Kg a day? Try the new Adipose pill! Watch the fat just walk away… whether you like it or not.

  • Chris Jensen

    lol I know this is a joke, but the best forearm toner I’ve ever used: Guitar Hero & Rockband, it will be sad when my guitars break completely; it is becoming increasingly difficult to find replacements.

  • Chris Jensen

    Great idea, you can market it as the manzeer and get sued by Seinfeld XD.

  • flowerbean

    I was just getting ready to hit the ‘unsubscribe’ button when I realised it was just a joke. Oooh, bad Steve! Funny…but bad :)

  • Chris Jensen

    No love for the Android users? (which is totally better by the way :p)

  • bob

    At first I was really disappointed in you steve. then i realized it was an april fools joke ;)

  • bob

    A little art of me died at first

  • Mira

    hey Steve,

    I was literally in tears…don’t do that ever again….my heart stopped seriously….!

    love you and this blog of yours.
    Cheers

  • http://www.facebook.com/curryfiend Katherine Elise Sofakos

    I was getting so upset because I actually hadn’t really read this e-mail until today. Darn you April Fool’s Day!

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  • M Cleveland

    Lol, love it

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  • mikeward2534

    Same here,

  • GREG

    holy shit this article scared me haha

  • thrstypirate

    I just finished drinking 5 of your energy drinks and protein vodkas while slow crawling for six hours on my brand new NLFC Nerd Fitness Paleoliptical ™. Thanks Acai Steve! My abs are so riptoned thanks to you!

  • HavenT

    Ahaha, I’ve been rickrolled. As long as trolls are still trolling, Rick won’t stop rolling. XD

  • BloodyChalice

    I thought i would have a heart attack on the new’s can’t believe it…. i mean… “join the fun fitness club” wth men… i thought visiting this site would soon be just a memory…. glad i was wrong :D

  • Particle man

    Love the Office references

  • Kristie K

    Next step…cheesy infomercials at 3am to promote all these spectacular products ;)

  • Lisa Landtroop

    Never. Leave. Nashville. {seriously}

  • livingInWisconsin

    OMG. I just found you then I read this..I wah thinking WTH! I am glad it was a joke as I was just going to forward your site to a friend.

    From Wisconsin, the beer n cheese capital for now.