Last week we shared a video on Facebook that created more excitement and controversy than anything we’ve ever posted: A video of Daisy Ridley (Rey from Star Wars Ep VII) deadlifting with great form, 176 lbs/80 kilos:
This post exploded, with 1000+ likes and a few hundred comments. What we saw as the most “Nerd + Fitness” ever, combining two of our favorite things (Star Wars and Deadlifts), soon became a fascinating look into the psyche of society.
The wide reach of the post pulled in people outside of the Nerd Fitness community, and we ended up with responses that fell into a few distinct categories:
- “Good for her! That’s awesome and it’s great to see a role model like that not afraid to strength train.”
- “Hey I lift more than that, good for me!”
- “Why are we celebrating mediocrity? She should be able to lift more than that. Anybody should.”
- “That’s amazing and I hope I can get there some day.”
Obviously a HUGE majority of people fell into the first category, but a number of responses fell into categories 2, 3, 4. And that’s okay – we all have gut-reactions to things and it doesn’t make us bad people.
I bet you instantly had a reaction that fit into one of the above categories, good or bad. Let’s talk about these reactions, and challenge ourselves to fight back against them when they are counterproductive.
We All Start Somewhere
Good or bad, it’s almost impossible not to instantly compare ourselves to the people around us: in line at Starbucks, at the gym, on the subway, at the office, and so on.
We are social creatures. Our brains excel at managing our reputation and navigating animal kingdom concepts like status and hierarchy.
In the case of the Daisy Ridley video, and other fitness media, this can lead to two unfortunate reactions:
- At least I don’t look like that. Good for me!
- Why can’t I look like that person? I suck.
Here’s the problem with the first one (aka any variation of “hey look I can deadlift more than Daisy Ridley, I’m awesome!”) – If we aren’t taking care of ourselves, it’s easy to find somebody else who is bigger, fatter, weaker, slower, or more unhealthy than us and say “at least I don’t look like that person! Phew!” That person you’re comparing yourself to in the gym? They might be there for their FIRST TIME.
Conversely, we can always find someone who is a level higher than us – faster, stronger, more healthy, etc. They might have professional chefs at their disposal, or a day job as a trainer.
Daisy Ridley who is only deadlifting 176 pounds? That might be her new personal best, and has been deadlifting for just a month. It might be a 6-month journey where she’s only going up 5 pounds a month, and will continue to do so for the next two years. She might only weigh 100 pounds, which would be the equivalent of a 200 pound male deadlifting 380 lbs. The truth is: we don’t know!
And here’s the problem with the second one (aka “Why can’t I do what that person is doing? I suck.”). We have NO IDEA how long somebody has been training, how hard they work, or what their genetics are. I find that I often compare myself to other people in my gym and wish I was looking like them or why it’s taking me “so long” to get stronger in certain lifts compared to others. But this is silly: we all play this game of life as different characters with different difficulty modes.
There’s a reason that the only comparison you should make is to yourself the day before; whether you look at a video like that and it makes you feel good or bad about yourself, it’s not a valid comparison.
We have no clue just how hard somebody has been training, how long they have been training, if they used to be a competitive athlete, what their genetics look like, or what other challenges or advantages they had. We also don’t know how miserable they might be for comparing themselves to somebody else.
When we see a video like this, we just see one moment. That’s it. Remember that we compare our behind-the-scenes journey with everyone else’s high reels.
Comparisons Lead to the Dark Side
Years ago when I started exercising, I wanted to look like somebody else because I wasn’t comfortable and confident in my own skin. I figured if I could train, bulk, and get stronger, I would look like the guys in the gym or the guys in movies, and my life would be complete.
I spent every day comparing myself to others and impatiently asking myself “when will I get there?”
It’s a losing battle. When you spend your time comparing your achievements to others, the comparison makes you feel either better or worse than them, but neither are productive:
“He might be able to squat that much, but I can do way more pull ups.”
“I bet she can’t even touch her toes.”
“Why is that person celebrating so much over a 5k? I ran a marathon last week!”
“I just hit a PR. And then the person next to me lifted 100 pounds more. I’m so weak!”
This comparison business is an exercise that will only drive us mad.
And the same can be said when we incorrectly compare ourselves to our past selves that existed under different circumstances. For example, if you get hurt, or need to have surgery, or you have a child and suddenly all of your free time is zapped from you, it’s really depressing when you think about where you are compared to where you used to be.
“I used to lift way more than this. Ugh.”
“How did I take a million steps back? This sucks.”
When we think this way, it’s easy to get derailed and depressed and give up because we ask: “What’s the point? I’m so far behind where I used to be and it’s going to take forever to get back there.”
Instead, I want you to embody a new philosophy. I’d like to think it’s one Master Yoda would teach if he were here:
You do You.
Like Luke in The Empire Strikes Back, our biggest battle in this journey to a healthier life will be with ourselves. Our largest hurdle? The Dark Side that pulls our brain in a direction that keeps us from the goal:
To be better today than you were yesterday.
That’s it.
Not the “you” before you were injured. No the “you” when you were 18 and had all the time in the world. Not the girl who posted on Facebook or the guy who’s blowing up your Instagram with perfectly framed photos. Just the “you” from yesterday.
No matter what you are training or how you are trying to change yourself, there will be people behind you, and ahead of you. They live a completely different life, they have different goals, different genetics, different insecurities, different time constraints, different lives.
Instead, stay in the moment.
Can you be better today than you were yesterday in a way that lines up with your goals? Can you run a second faster than your personal best? Can you touch one inch further down your shins? Can you deadlift one single pound more?
I’d love to hear about the internal battle you struggle with, and be honest.
Here’s me: I compare myself unfavorably against guys 50-100 lbs heavier than me in the gym and what they can lift, and I compare myself a bit too favorably against people who haven’t been training as long as I have been. Conversely, I get jealous when I see people make rapid progress on their squats. My squat is my weakest lift for sure, so I have to constantly remind myself that every day I squat I’m stronger than I have EVER been before, and this has been true every week for the past six months.
The truth is, I’m stronger and more fit than I was yesterday. I’ll try to do the same tomorrow.
Your turn. May the Force, and the Gains, be with you.
-Steve
PS: THOUSANDS of people have already picked up Level Up Your Life! If you’ve gotten a chance to read through it, you’d be my hero if you took 2 minutes to leave an honest review over on Amazon.com.
photo: Pedro Venzini: Dark Side Legos, Kennie Louie: Ostritch
Thats funny, I had one of these experiences recently. I had to take 3 months off due to an injured rib. When I finally got back to lifting, I was a wreck, my backsquats and deadlifts had dropped by about 40kgs, and I was beating myself up over being so weak and losing so much strength. Was a hard hole to get out of.
This is something a lot of people struggle with all the time. Thank you for reminding us to take a step back, a deep breath, and remember what we should be focusing on.
Love this post! Thanks Steve! It was just what I needed to read this morning!
I’m afraid that I have to disagree with the concept of never comparing yourself to anyone else. It’s fine for some people but if you want to be the best (or even simply competitive in your field) then you need to know what the best is. I’m probably never going to be the next Jennifer Thompson, but it doesn’t stop me using her as a benchmark or make it unhealthy that I do so.
That doesn’t excuse denigrating others in your comparisons, just to be clear.
Really good post and interesting as a follow up to the initial post. As a runner, there is always someone faster (unless you’re Usain Bolt). I’m pretty slow so almost everyone is faster. I’m faster than I used to be though. When I stopped comparing myself to everyone else or where I thought I should be my enjoyment and ability to judge my own efforts went up sharply. It doesn’t hurt to compare yourself a little with people near and far from you in terms of ability, but it does hurt to make it your focus. Your focus should be what you enjoy and are trying to achieve.
I find there to be a distinct difference between comparing yourself to someone and using someone else as motivation. I look around at other people in the gym and think “wow, it’d be great to be as strong as them or as in shape as them” and that’s motivating for me. But the only person I compare myself to is my past self, because that’s what I have control over!
I would have to disagree, to an extent. Having a goal (in your case, Jennifer Thompson) is fine and healthy. Having a goal and holding yourself to that standard and that standard only, ignoring any and all accomplishments you have made because they’re not at your goal, and ignoring your body’s signs of over-training because you haven’t hit Jennifer Thompson yet and resting means a day’s loss is unhealthy.
I will agree that there are healthy ways of comparison and not all comparison is bad, but there is definitely an unhealthy side to it if you’re the kind to obsess.
As a woman who deadlifts 205 and been trying to increase my max, this video made me so happy! I’ve always been incredibly self-conscious about the fact that I’ve been the only woman in my gym lifting like that and seeing Daisy (a wonderful role model and actress) do this made me feel so empowered and more comfortable in my own skin. Haters gonna hate, but the Force is strong with her so go Daisy! 🙂
Really struggling to focus on the small posties for me and sending myself into a negative spiral
I think we’re basically in agreement. Comparison can be healthy but obsession with comparison is unhealthy.
I sometimes get frustrated when I’m in the gym lifting, and the guy next to me (who clearly hasn’t been lifting that long) is easily benching or squatting what I’m struggling with or more. It can definitely be a very negative feeling, but I know the only way to change that is to keep lifting, so that’s what I do.
My reaction to the video was firmly in category 1. It is always awesome to see a woman who isn’t afraid of strength training.
That being said, I’m guilty of pretty much all of these. I am jealous of people who don’t struggle to put on muscle. I am jealous of guys who can lift more than me, especially bench. And I feel a little too proud of myself when I see a guy lifting less than me.
I am also guilty of unfairly comparing to myself. 10 months ago, I was starting to have a 6 pack, but after a failed mass gain and the birth of my second child, I’ve taken a huge step backwards.
Great post. Hit’s on pretty much every point I’m dealing with right now.
First off, good for Daisy Ridley! A new personal best is always awesome. I deadlifted for months and never got above 125, so I know how it is – we don’t all build strength the same. With lifting, personal best is the most important thing. You do you, indeed!
My own personal struggle is any kind of judgment of my weight that seems based on the idea that I should not be fat AT ANY COST. I’ve had the unfortunate situation of being in a couple of situations where people put value on me losing weight with no regard for how damaging the weight loss was to my health – one of those being when weight loss was due to an illness that was literally killing me. It’s messed up to be dying with your hair falling out and your skin having lost all its color, and for people to say “well… you look really good with all the weight loss.” It feels like people literally care less about you dying than they do about you being thin.
So if someone suggests a weight loss solution to me that is dangerous, it sets me back. I’ll not exercise that day or get fast food or something, because I get depressed over it. I know enough to say “well that person is an idiot” and move on with my life. But I still struggle with letting it get to me.
Even this morning in the gym I was struggling. “At least I’m running faster than her.” “I can’t lift nearly as much as him!” “Did they notice I had to drop a MPH?” This came at a perfect time.
I loved this piece. First off, I think it’s badass that Ms. Ridley is doing a workout that makes her feel awesome and proud of her own progress. It’s inspiring to me. This article was also a great reminder for me to stop comparing myself to others I encounter at the gym, etc. I recently got back into rock-climbing. I’m short and curvy, and my tall, slender partner has been having a more rapid progression, despite having less experience under his belt. It can be frustrating, but I have to keep reminding myself that my progress is my progress, and his progress is his progress. I need to just keep working to improve myself and be proud of myself for my own successes.
Hi Steve,
Thanks for this post. I def. struggle with the “Image of My Immortal Self”- aka the Jean I used to be. I constantly beat myself up for letting myself fall so far (I was never super in shape, but for a time I was that “big but surprising athletic person” and a few yrs back I got serious and dropped about 40 lbs in a yr.) Then…… Life happened, and i’ve been struggling ever sense. Thanks for reminding me that all I have to is best myself from yesterday, not my 15 yr old self, or my 25 yr old self.
I think the point of this was missed.
Setting goals isn’t unhealthy – but feeling poorly about oneself or letting someone else’s progress or achievements make you feel negativity towards yours is what is unhealthy.
Healthy: “JT benched 182.5kg, that’s amazing, one day I’d love to be able to bench like her”
Unhealthy: “I just hit 80kg on my bench! A PB! That sucks though, it doesn’t even matter because JT can still bench 100kg+ more than I can, I’ll never beat her I’m the worst”
The point is that you should be happy with yourself and your (current) progress regardless of what everyone else is doing, you should try to be your best, and be happy with your best, even if it isn’t the best out of all the people in the world (or even your previous best).
I compare myself with my younger, seemingly fearless self – my fear of pain / injury as I get older has made any kind of working out somewhat stressful. I won’t push myself to go that extra mile, level up that one more pound, etc. I hate it, but haven’t found a way around it yet. Especially after having been laid up from a short fall from my stairs that ended in a fracture (2013), and a dance move that ended in a sprain (2014), rendering both my ankles tender and prone to pain. sigh.
PS – I’m 48 yrs old, turning 49 this year. Not all that old in the grand scheme of things.
Hey, my name is Armin and I’m 19 years old, quite muscular and I have to admit that I compare myself often to my friends from my class who have bigger arms and chest and are overall better looking. (Objectively speaking those are very slim differnces, so I am feeling silly at the same time). I am quite often jealous of their muscles, often because i feel bad because I have acne aswell. I then feel depressed and small, depleted of any self-esteem until I have a really good workout.
This was a really good read. I’m struggling with a shoulder injury and have found it really hard to reduce the weight I lift as I look around and think everyone else can lift this. Sometimes I need to be reminded that I am 4ft 10 weighing in at 91lbs so it’s ok that I can’t lift as the much taller guy stood next to me. They probably don’t care how much I’m lifting as they’re competing themselves to someone else
I think my point was also missed. To be your own best, sometimes you need comparisons to drive you. Obsessing over other people to the point that it makes you miserable is bad but having benchmarks and competition (which is basically comparing yourself to other people under a controlled set of conditions) can be healthy.
I will admit that my first thought was, “Oh, I can lift more than that.” But then I realized that she probably IS lifting more than her own bodyweight, which is a tremendous feat.
Personally, my internal battle is the fear of judgment that I know I get from others on a daily basis. My yoga and meditation practice teaches me that the judgments of others are neither in the realms of my influences nor my concerns. I always worry how I’m going to react when someone who knew me in the past tells me I’ve lost weight. It’s a fine line between a sincere “Thank you” and a sarcastic “Yeah, I’m just a number on a scale to some people.”
That being said, the heart of this article is exactly as Steve put it: “stay in the moment.” The present eludes us if we let it. Stay strong, Rebels!
For someone who can’t even deadlift the bar, I think Daisy is AWESOME!! Once I find the “right” trainer for me, I am going to be lifting that bar – with or without weights!! Just sayin’!! But, first I gotta get the body moving again…. the four week challenge helped, but I still failed on two out of the three… I succeeded on one out of three challenges though!! YEA!
Soul. Crushing. Envy. That’s how I feel. I’m recovering from a hysterectomy. I haven’t lifted in about three months. I’m not even allowed to lift more than 20lbs. until late February. D: I used to be able to deadlift my bodyweight, 145lbs. Now I can’t even carry in all of my groceries in one trip.
It’s important to be mindful at times like this. It doesn’t stop that initial punch in the feels, but it does make it easier to recover. I’ve decided that ALL of my personal records–for walking, running, and lifting–have reset. I remind myself that I JUST HAD PARTS REMOVED and that is super hardcore, so my body needs to recover. I remind myself that I’ve been sick and injured and I’ve recovered before; this is not a personal failing, it’s just physiology.
I wonder what Daisy is making of this…
I’m doing wing chung for my exercise. I don’t think I compare myself to others a lot, I just know that I suck, that I’m weak and uncoordinated… because I haven’t worked out a lot before and I really need to learn first. So, yeah, I’m well aware that the other people there are mostly a lot fitter, stronger, faster and more coordinated than me, but it would be weird if they weren’t, and they good at correcting me on it.
I only disagree on the part where you should not compare yourself to your old self from way back. This is what training logs are for (partly, imho, …). To get a motivational boost when turning the pages back a few days/weeks/month and see not only the small increments in performance, but a significant gain.
Of course, comparing yourself to others is important when you are competing, but even in competitions a goal might be to finish better than the last time you took part, thus comparing your present self to your past self again.
So there you have it. HAHA see how past-me sucked? That loser!
I wonder if i am ever going to be as strong as future-me… oh wait… of course i will! HELL YEAH!
Great post! It is too easy to be sucked into comparing yourself to others, and getting caught up in either feeling superior or inferior. What I focus on is progression as the article suggests. In the gym, that means incremental increases in weight lifted over time. On the track, I keep track of my PBs, and allow for injury.
Last weekend, I was competing in my first state level athletics meet. On paper, my results don’t look too flattering, being near the tail end of the field in all individual events that I competed in. But I’m only 6 months in the sport, competing against others who have been doing it for years, perhaps decades. Looking at my results another way, they include 2 PBs, one near PB (missed out by 0.01 seconds!), and the remaining event (400m) less than half a second outside my PB under difficult conditions). And that’s how I look at it, I’ve come a long way in the past 6 months and continue to make steady progress. Sure, I’m not at state level yet, but my peak is at least a few years ahead of me. That’s how I look at the past weekend.
The winning performances give me some long term goals to aim for, but my comparisons are based on my own progress. 🙂
Here’s my story. I’ve had excess fat around my stomach since I’ve been alive. Even at my skinniest, I had some fat tissue there. I never liked it and tried many ways to hide it with baggy shirts. When I was grown and able to afford a gym membership, I started lifting and it’s helped a lot. Running has also helped me as well. I love doing both. Fast forward to today, my daughter was born almost 3-months ago so I haven’t worked out since then. And I was again paranoid of what I was eating because I know sugar, dairy and grains are my downfalls and then the anxiety comes back as well as all my insecurities. I get stuck with looking at other people bodybuilding and achieving their goals and beating myself up because I want to be out there with them. But next month, if my budget allows it (tax season), I will begin my CrossFit journey. But using this time off helped me to realize what’s more important (God first for me, then family). And now, instead of wanting to bulk up, or look like Mr. Olympia, or run as fast as Usain Bolt, I made manageable goals which is to eat healthier to live a longer life and to workout so I can play with my daughter and not get burned out. Plus, I want to be strong and agile and being ripped and fast will just be the benefits of it. It’s hard, but the worst thing you want to do is give up. Don’t.
Reminds me of wisdom from World Champion Competitive eater Takeru Kobayashi.
“Sometimes you win because someone is having a bad day and sometimes someone beats you because you are having a bad day. Winning or losing doesn’t necessarily mean that you are the best. In the long run you can’t think about you against a rival or rivals. That doesn’t tell you 100% that you are the best. You can only compare yourself to yourself and see how far you can actually go.”
I love this because it frees you from comparison, limits and conventional expectation.
It seems quite validated in practice as well, Kobayashi doubled the world record for hot dogs eaten in his first championship appearance.
There is something ironic though, using a competitive eater to support the idea of comparing less to find the healthiest you….
I was just at a race yesterday and talking with a woman at the back of the pack who was walking it due to recovering from a punctured lung. She was also frustrated, because before her car accident she had just completed a marathon and was training for an ultra. I said, hey, at least you’re out here, and little by little you’ll get it back, but you have to take care of yourself first. Hope you’re doing better!
Well said!
Just finally saw the movie yesterday and thought she was fantastic. Anyway, I have to say that I love the post and “be better today than you were yesterday”. I’m so all or nothing that I burn out quickly and give up. It’s something I struggle with daily. The quote makes me feel like I can do that. Like I can be better than I was yesterday and try to do better yet again the next day in everything I do. If feels doable.
I just had this same conversation with my husband. I am horrible at comparing myself with others in the gym. This article was very timely for me right now .
I got injured on my right knee twice in a year! First time doing a muddy 10k, second time after I was “recovered”, doing a normal 10k run… That was in May. I was careful, stopped running and took care of my training, increased my strength training and stretching, and after a few months, one day doing mountain climbers my knee pain flared up again. It’s so frustrating to think I’ve done a half marathon and right now running 2k gives me pain. I was comparing myself to that past me, but now I’m trying a more positive approach. I’m doing physio and giving my knee time to heal at its own pace, even when all my friends are doing runs and killing me on the Fitbit challenges, I’m happy staying at the bottom of the leader board, achieving my own goals at my own pace!! 🙂
Two things:
1) I love this video, especially with the hater backlash against Rey (and by extension, Ridley) after TFA came out, saying that there was no way tiny little Rey could have done all that physical activity so the female lead idea was ludicrous. Then Ridley puts the deadlifting video on her Insta and it shut that RIGHT up.
2) This really hits home for me right now. I’m on my way to surgery with a lot of sleepless nights on top of 12 hour workdays, and I know I’m losing strength. I can feel my body doing a lot of backsliding because I just don’t have the energy to do ONE MORE THING. I know I’m going to struggle with getting back to the gym because I already know how disappointed I’m going to be with the losses, so I’m battling the mental beasts of “Why Bother?”. Thanks for the reminder about comparisons!
I have no problem with making that comparison! I think the problem comes when you compare yourself negatively to you from a different life stage (pre-injury, pre-children, etc.).
Right, that might be a very different “you” than present you. But i sure hope that one can achieve one’s own past performance after any but the most serious of life circumstances (or if you were extremely fit before, like you may not acheive a second world record after your first). At least you already proved that is it within your genetic potential.
Bright side: Once you recover you can run faster because you’ll be one uterus lighter!
:spit take:
Kids are hard, especially when they are little. Don’t beat yourself up to much. Its not just the lost sleep but they are mentally and emotionally exhausting. Mine are 1.5 and 3.5 and sometimes its frustrating to get to the end of the day and not have “gotten anything done”. When in fact I’ve been taking care of 2 small humans all day long. And my husband has had to step up his game with the household chores since the second came along. Just remember they don’t stay little for long. =)
Today I was pondering posting this to the NFA Women’s facebook group, but just never got around to it:
That moment when:
1) you see other members’ amazing progress pictures where they achieved some great results in a short amount of time…
2) you read posts about people doing Whole 30, cutting out all sugar, or going on about eating a “certain way…”
3) you see people doing workouts that you are not doing…
…and you are perfectly content with what you are doing because you’ve put in a lot of mental work over the last couple of years realizing that this is about YOU, not them, and you have found that making small habit changes and working on them diligently until they stick, no matter how long it takes, is what is working for you in this LIFELONG journey you are participating in.
Priceless!
Then I read this post and it’s like Steve is personally patting me on the back saying, “You got it, Teri!”
Awesome article, Steve. It is really easy to fall into the trap of assuming that how hard we have to work at a certain goal is the same as everyone else, but people are so different.
I put on a little weight this past year, after a lifetime of being naturally thin, but a few months of modest effort, and I’m nearly back to my former weight. If I didn’t have friends and family who have struggled with weight their whole lives, it’d be easy for me to look at my experience and say, “Well damn, losing weight is pretty easy. All those overweight people must lazy slackers!” But I know how hard some people work to keep their weight under control.
And then I look at stuff where I beat myself up, comparing myself to others. Like it is an epic struggle for me to keep my life even remotely organized. It is only in the past few years that when I do have some massive organizational failure, I can look at it in the context of how much I have improved, rather than how much I still suck at it compared to others.
For me, tracking is key. My emotional in-the-moment assessment of how well I am doing on something is almost entirely based on the stuff in my head, not on my actual performance. I never realized that until I started tracking my progress on fitness goals. Then I realized that one bad day, one step backwards, and I feel like I’m “getting nowhere”, even if I’ve made substantial progress since last month. Day to day is going to fluctuate – look at the trend over time.
The Nerd Fitness community has helped me so much in encouraging me to set small, short term goals, track them, and approach the whole thing from a practical, problem-solving mindset, instead of a shame-and-guilt mindset. Okay, so I didn’t meet that goal, what do I do? Feel bad about myself? Really, has that ever been a productive strategy? No, I look at what my plan was, try to determine where things went wrong, and make a new plan.
I accept that I come to each challenge with certain advantages and certain disadvantages, and I play the character I rolled.
I normally don’t post on anything well because I’m very honest about my feelings and struggle and there are alot of mean people on the internet and my self esteem issues can’t take the negativity.However, this article struck me. I’ve spent my life from a teenager to current 30 year old comparing myself to others and it really has ruined my life thus far. As a teenager when I hit a growth spurt and became a 6 ft tall woman with wide shoulders and a thick waist, I was healthy and fit but I let others make me feel bad about the person I naturally grew in to. I started comparing myself to “normal” girls my age and models in fitness magazines and on tv I became anorexic, bulimic depressed and seriously warped at 17 and over 6ft tall I weighed 78lbs. I met my husband and he fed my worth,and my need to feel better about myself and sucked me in and gave me confidence that I should have given myself. After 3 kids together and almost 13 years I’m not thin anymore again and although I stayed fit after my battles with eating disorders and through having my kids I let every suspected infidelity and porn I have found of my husband’s beat down my self worth and led me to compare myself to every fake woman he looked at or possibly chatted with and again fell back on self destruction trying to achieve what my tall thick frame isn’t meant to be. But As I’ve gotten older I started to realize that I am beautiful and one of a kind and I can never look like the average woman because I’m not average, things seems to improve with our relationship and my self esteem and I thought everything was fine.Then this past year was seriously emotional for me with the deaths of some family members,my dog, some unidentified health problems that have caused weight gain and last but not least I broke my ankle. I’ve gained alot of weight over the year from inactivity health issues and sadness and found surprisingly that although I’m out of shape and need to get fit again for my health and physically demanding job that I like myself better with curves fuller breast,bottom,and face and that I didn’t want to look like someone else I just want to get my shape in shape.Then recently I have found more porn alot more and alot of suspicious activity that leads me to thinks that after 13 years it may be over and again I’m struggling with comparisons and being bad to myself over something I can never be.So I am not sure if my many issues are irreversible and I can ever grow to love myself on my own without always longing to be something else. However, I shared all of this for other women and young girls who struggle every day trying not to be themselves because the world expects us all to be cookie cutter versions of whats airbrushed and taped into fabulous clothes on tv.Start now never letting anyone else define your worth, its self esteem because it comes from you and you’re all that matters. Its all an illusion, women come in all shapes,sizes colors, abilities but theres only one you don’t screw up what is uniquely you by trying to be your neighbor. While I think we should all try to eat right and work out for our health on the inside and to love ourselves by taking care of ourselves and living longer don’t beat yourself up in the gym or starve or abuse your body to be someone you aren’t.Steve is right you do you !
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Thanks! Of course keeping fit proves very healthy to human body but getting injured in fitness club hurts alots.
I haven’t read your articles in some time – they are on an email address I no longer access on a regular basis (changed that today btw). This article is awesome and was exactly what I needed to read today. The discussion regarding comparing ourself to ourself – wow – this is what I have been doing. I have always been able to identify that I can’t compare myself to others since I used to compare myself to my sister who is 5’3″ and struggles to maintain a healthy weight of 100lbs. (I am 5’7″ and at my healthy weight am about 155 – 165lbs) my thumb is literally 2 times the size of hers – not comparable. so what I have been doing on my most recent health/activity goals is comparing what I was doing six months ago and prior, the weight I am at now versus what I was at a year ago at this time. It is very difficult to not do this and this article has helped me identify just how important it is to stay focused on the positive and what you are accomplishing, not where you have been.